Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
