I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
