Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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