I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
