i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
foreskin is a definite game changer
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
