Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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