I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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