You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
