Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
