I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize