I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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