her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
