Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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