The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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