If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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