i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
