OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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