I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
