Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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