I only kidnapped one of them. chill
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
