after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
