awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
