omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
