I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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