Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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