don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
