My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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