I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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