Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
