I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
