Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
