Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
