I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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