Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize