I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
