i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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