I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
