Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I faked an abortion last night.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
