They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
