He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
