How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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