the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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