There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
and you fell through a lawn chair
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
