google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
