Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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