Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
