New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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