just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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