we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
