well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
