She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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