The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
