I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He kissed a someone with a penis
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
