i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
