And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he thought i was a dude.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
