I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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