Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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