help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
