drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
