She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
time to smoke my breakfast
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Alive.
So much puke
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
