i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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