Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk is not a location!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
