Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
