Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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