I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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