Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
this is an emotional support booty call
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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