Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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