oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
