i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
