He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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