I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
