I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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