then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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